My Anxiety/Panic Attack Experience

Hi everyone,

I have been 'struggling' with heightened anxiety for most of my life. It started off in my early life where I didn't feel like I was good enough, pressure put upon me and feeling as if I wouldn't be liked if I didn't do something in a certain way. Due to this, I would worry constantly about what other people thought of me. The pressure I put on myself would cause me to explode in to tears and not be able to breathe properly. I didn't think much of it when I was younger, it was the norm. 

I had always been the 'teacher's pet' at school. I didn't really have many friends growing up, working hard (extra hard) so at least the teachers would give me some positive attention and praise. Don't get me wrong, I am glad I worked hard because I did well academically and it has put me into a good mindset for 'the real world'. However, at school I did put a lot of pressure on myself, not the usual exam pressure teachers talk about... stress is a good thing but only at a certain level. Mine was pure anxiety. I was anxious that I was going to fail, let my teachers down, my parents down and myself. Looking back on it now of course I know that in the grand scheme of things... it didn't really matter. A prime example of this would be my Art at AS Level. I absolutely love art, always have and always will, however, the work load was immense. I continuously stayed up until three o'clock in the morning making sure I was happy with it, along side wanting to achieve top grades in my other A Levels. I worked my butt off and it paid off because I got a really good grade- but my health suffered. Due to this I then dropped it and focused on the remaining three. It was definitely the right decision. 

I know everyone goes through exam stress, its natural... it means you care and you want to achieve and I'm not slating that what so ever. But when it gets to the point where the problem becomes all consuming so that you can't actually focus, or sleep for that matter. You need to change something. I remember I had revised for a mock psychology exam but I didn't feel prepared because I hadn't written millions of essays about that particular module, I hadn't made revision cards or mind maps.. I just doubted my abilities and memory (ironically). My body was shaking and I couldn't breathe, my vision went blurry and I just had to get out of the classroom. It wasn't until my teacher at the time came outside to find me and told me I was having a panic attack.. which in turn made me panic even more!

I was advised to do some research into anxiety and panic attacks so I understood what was happening to my body and why. This was the worst and best thing I ever did. 

Prepare for a science lesson...

When you feel threatened/fearful, for whatever reason, your body goes through a biological response called 'fight or flight'. 

When your body goes through this is releases the hormones adrenalin and cortisol- these physically help your body prepare and make you more alert. 

Possible causes of anxiety include, genetics, diet, childhood experiences, general lifestyle. 

In my personal experience, although it was interesting to find out more information about what I was going through it made me panic and worry more. I somewhat 'played up' to labels associated with panic disorders. I began to feel claustrophobic in tents despite having camped at least once a year as child. Just feeling like I was trapped. It still happens now. 

CONTROLLING ANXIETY

I am constantly controlling my anxiety through various methods, I never want to say that I 'struggle' with it as that comes across as it is beating me.. and it's not going to. I won't let it!

It is a gradual process and is different for everyone. 

This is what I have found works for me:

- I listen to my breathing. Breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth with my eyes closed. I do this ten times and then open my eyes. It helps find control in a situation where you feel a lack of control. 

- Listen to music that relaxes you, for me this is Sam Smith (what a shock!). 

- I remove myself from the situation for a little while, perhaps go outside for some fresh air if I am stuck inside. 

- I pop my earphones in and listen to a mediation app. 

- I cook. 

- I have cut down on my alcohol and caffeine intake.

- I make sure sure my food is wholesome and nutritious to help with blood sugar levels.

- I plan things. Getting things down onto paper or in a list on my phone really helps me organise my life and money. It puts it all into perspective, helps me to prioritise and therefore I don't worry as much.

- I also talk about whatever I'm going through with those who care about me. 

- The one thing that I have been doing recently though is facing my fears, putting myself in uncomfortable situations and not running away immediately or not trying what so ever. I don't want to look back on my life and say 'I wish I had done that'. I just give it a go. If I feel really uncomfortable, anxious and have a panic attack approaching, I will try and control it and if I can't, so be it. A step forward has still been made.

I hope this has helped you understand anxiety and panic attacks a bit better. I feel very passionately about this as I know it is very common. A lot of people just don't understand it and therefore tell you to 'get over it' (which really winds me up)! 

It is a serious thing to endure but it isn't the end of the world. There is help out there, various charities, doctors, teachers, parents, friends are there to support and guide you... you're not alone. 

(Bear in mind that it does impact on other people and their emotions too. Try to stay as grounded as you can and  not to take their love and support for granted.)  

Thank you for reading.

Love

Isabel x