My Anxiety/Panic Attack Experience

Hi everyone,

I have been 'struggling' with heightened anxiety for most of my life. It started off in my early life where I didn't feel like I was good enough, pressure put upon me and feeling as if I wouldn't be liked if I didn't do something in a certain way. Due to this, I would worry constantly about what other people thought of me. The pressure I put on myself would cause me to explode in to tears and not be able to breathe properly. I didn't think much of it when I was younger, it was the norm. 

I had always been the 'teacher's pet' at school. I didn't really have many friends growing up, working hard (extra hard) so at least the teachers would give me some positive attention and praise. Don't get me wrong, I am glad I worked hard because I did well academically and it has put me into a good mindset for 'the real world'. However, at school I did put a lot of pressure on myself, not the usual exam pressure teachers talk about... stress is a good thing but only at a certain level. Mine was pure anxiety. I was anxious that I was going to fail, let my teachers down, my parents down and myself. Looking back on it now of course I know that in the grand scheme of things... it didn't really matter. A prime example of this would be my Art at AS Level. I absolutely love art, always have and always will, however, the work load was immense. I continuously stayed up until three o'clock in the morning making sure I was happy with it, along side wanting to achieve top grades in my other A Levels. I worked my butt off and it paid off because I got a really good grade- but my health suffered. Due to this I then dropped it and focused on the remaining three. It was definitely the right decision. 

I know everyone goes through exam stress, its natural... it means you care and you want to achieve and I'm not slating that what so ever. But when it gets to the point where the problem becomes all consuming so that you can't actually focus, or sleep for that matter. You need to change something. I remember I had revised for a mock psychology exam but I didn't feel prepared because I hadn't written millions of essays about that particular module, I hadn't made revision cards or mind maps.. I just doubted my abilities and memory (ironically). My body was shaking and I couldn't breathe, my vision went blurry and I just had to get out of the classroom. It wasn't until my teacher at the time came outside to find me and told me I was having a panic attack.. which in turn made me panic even more!

I was advised to do some research into anxiety and panic attacks so I understood what was happening to my body and why. This was the worst and best thing I ever did. 

Prepare for a science lesson...

When you feel threatened/fearful, for whatever reason, your body goes through a biological response called 'fight or flight'. 

When your body goes through this is releases the hormones adrenalin and cortisol- these physically help your body prepare and make you more alert. 

Possible causes of anxiety include, genetics, diet, childhood experiences, general lifestyle. 

In my personal experience, although it was interesting to find out more information about what I was going through it made me panic and worry more. I somewhat 'played up' to labels associated with panic disorders. I began to feel claustrophobic in tents despite having camped at least once a year as child. Just feeling like I was trapped. It still happens now. 

CONTROLLING ANXIETY

I am constantly controlling my anxiety through various methods, I never want to say that I 'struggle' with it as that comes across as it is beating me.. and it's not going to. I won't let it!

It is a gradual process and is different for everyone. 

This is what I have found works for me:

- I listen to my breathing. Breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth with my eyes closed. I do this ten times and then open my eyes. It helps find control in a situation where you feel a lack of control. 

- Listen to music that relaxes you, for me this is Sam Smith (what a shock!). 

- I remove myself from the situation for a little while, perhaps go outside for some fresh air if I am stuck inside. 

- I pop my earphones in and listen to a mediation app. 

- I cook. 

- I have cut down on my alcohol and caffeine intake.

- I make sure sure my food is wholesome and nutritious to help with blood sugar levels.

- I plan things. Getting things down onto paper or in a list on my phone really helps me organise my life and money. It puts it all into perspective, helps me to prioritise and therefore I don't worry as much.

- I also talk about whatever I'm going through with those who care about me. 

- The one thing that I have been doing recently though is facing my fears, putting myself in uncomfortable situations and not running away immediately or not trying what so ever. I don't want to look back on my life and say 'I wish I had done that'. I just give it a go. If I feel really uncomfortable, anxious and have a panic attack approaching, I will try and control it and if I can't, so be it. A step forward has still been made.

I hope this has helped you understand anxiety and panic attacks a bit better. I feel very passionately about this as I know it is very common. A lot of people just don't understand it and therefore tell you to 'get over it' (which really winds me up)! 

It is a serious thing to endure but it isn't the end of the world. There is help out there, various charities, doctors, teachers, parents, friends are there to support and guide you... you're not alone. 

(Bear in mind that it does impact on other people and their emotions too. Try to stay as grounded as you can and  not to take their love and support for granted.)  

Thank you for reading.

Love

Isabel x

Gluten & Dairy Free Basil Pesto

I absolutely love pesto, especially fresh pesto. So, when I altered my diet I then realised I could no longer eat normal pesto because of the cheese in it! I thought to myself, surely there is a dairy free one out there. I tried a jarred one, it was yummy, but I love a pungent basil pesto (basil is my favourite herb) and I feel like you can only get that if you make it from scratch... so that's what I did!

I had made traditional pesto before (basil, pine nuts, olive oil, parmesan cheese and garlic) so I kind of knew what I was doing... so I just chucked a few ingredients together and this is what I ended up with... 

Ingredients

Basil (2 cups)

Cashews (1 cup)

Garlic (2-3 gloves)

Olive Oil (1/2 cup)

Salt & Pepper (to taste)

Method

Pop the basil, cashews, garlic, salt and pepper into a food processor.

Put the lid on and gradually add the olive oil.

Feel free to add more or less of anything depending on the taste and consistency you prefer. 

This recipe is so easy to adapt, for example, change up the nuts to some pine nuts or walnuts. Personally I can't really tell a difference now there isn't any cheese in it!

I could eat this on its own, dip crackers into it or have it on toast. But I usually pop it in with some gluten free pasta with some chicken, bacon, onion, tomatoes. Such a quick and easy meal! The pesto lasts quite well too with the flavour intensifying everyday. I'm going to try it was some corgette spaghetti soon- I will let you know how that goes!

Enjoy!

Love 

Isabel x

An Insight Into My Life Changing Decisions...

Hi Everyone,

I hope you're well! This post is going to delve into my lifestyle change and journey to being the healthiest I can be- body, mind and soul- Heads up.. This won't include any photos.. I just wanted to let this out. 

This time last year I had just finished school and was going into the big, scary world. I had absolutely loved Sixth Form and had met some incredible people and had lots of fun. But the thing that stood out to me most as I was leaving school wasn't these happy things it was a comment/joke made by one of teachers (she is lovely-I'm not slagging her off). At the end of the year quite a few teachers like to make funny award ceremonies and this particular teacher gave me the award for 'The World Is Coming To An End'- which pretty much transferred into me thinking the worst possible thing was going to happen all the time- just a generally negative mindset. I didn't want to be known as that pessimistic person, the person would didn't want to try new things because they were to scared of failure and not being good enough, who just stayed in their comfort zone because they didn't want to feel anxious and have a potential panic attack. Of course this isn't easy to alter. 

There were multiple things that were contributing to my negativity. Throughout my whole life I have struggled with my weight. Being overweight obviously made me a target for bullying which of course left me with quite low self esteem. Throughout primary school and Years 7-9 I didn't really have any true friends. I felt lonely, unwanted and was experiencing suicidal thoughts which also lead to self harming. My weight kept changing, I did get into a state where my weight and body composition was healthy but I just 'let myself go' as it were (I was in a long term relationship where I was comfortable and loved). So, when we broke up I was an absolute mess! I gained about two stone which was majorly influenced by drinking alcohol socially most days and going out at the weekends. I just didn't take care of myself. My immune system was diabolical, I always had something wrong, on some sort of antibiotics. It was horrible. And of course my anxiety and panic attacks were worse than ever (this was right around exam time too- YAY!). I just was not okay. I was the biggest and heaviest I have ever been and the unhealthiest- something needed to change.

How I turned it all around...

Those of you who know me, will know that I love Sam Smith. His voice is incredible and his lyrics have really spoken to me- he has helped me let out so many emotions (by this I mean I have belted out his songs on repeat- no shame!) So, of course, me being a fan means I follow him on pretty much any social media I can, and I'm so glad that I did. It is hard to miss that Sam has lost lots of weight and has become much healthier and happier. I just happened to stumble across one of his Instagram posts where he addressed this and how he achieved it. It was all kick started with a book, 'Eat. Nourish. Glow', written by Amelia Freer (a nutritional therapist). So, that evening I ordered the book- MIND BLOWING! (I will do a book review on a separate post). Don't get me wrong, I have never really had a bad 'diet'. My parents were very influential in that respect- eating and cooking fresh, balanced meals. I was just a lazy bum and didn't really exercise that much (this was mainly due to the fact I didn't want to be laughed at or be 'fat shamed'). The phrase that stood out to me particularly in this book was "listen to your body". She mentions the way foods can make you feel, for example, wheat/gluten making you feel bloated and uncomfortable and dairy making your stomach churn and feel a bit gassed up. So, I assessed what I was eating and how it made me feel afterwards. These two points related to me the most. So, I decided to take them out of my diet and substitute them so I was still getting the necessary nutrition- I would advise going to see your doctor but I personally didn't at the beginning (but will be soon). 

I have never looked back. I almost instantly felt healthier and more energised. I absolutely love cooking and I'm not a fussy eater so this transition wasn't hard for me at all, it was actually quite fun! 

Another contributor to my lifestyle change is Herbalife- I have a post about the Herbalife SKIN range that I love, so have a nose if you would like to know more about some of the products. Not only are the products amazing, so is the customer care. I have an amazing coach and his passionate nature and belief in me has honestly transformed me. He helped me alter the way I think- I now think more logically, realistically and prioritise what is actually important to me there and then so to help maximise my personal growth and success- I will go into more depth in a separate post. He has taught me so much and has encouraged me to follow my dreams, so I am very grateful and lucky to have his support and the support the whole Herbalife community, my work colleagues, family and friends continuously. 

My Mum is also a true inspiration to me. She has been through some challenging things and is honestly one of the most amazing, brave and beautiful women I know, I love her to pieces. She has taught me so much and I think she would also say that I have taught her a few things too. I am much stronger, wiser and aspirational because of her, so thank you Mumma!

So, since last year I have lost two stone, my body composition is improving, my nutrition is pretty darn good, my hydration has increased, my skin in a lot clearer, I have way more energy and motivation, I can control my anxiety a lot more and have pushed myself to take part in activities and events outside of my comfort zone. I have planned for the future and what I would like to achieve and how I'm going to get there. I am incredibly happy and no matter what crap comes at me I no longer see it as a negative. Without those 'issues' I wouldn't be able to grow as a person, become stronger and more independent. 

I am incredibly proud of myself. But this is only the beginning of my life changing journey and I will continue to work my butt off (literally and hypothetically) and continue to share it! I hope this helps at least one of you.. Don't worry.. You can get through whatever it is that is bothering you, trust me. 

Thank you so much!

Love

Isabel x